It has been a while. I spent most of the last year in a spiral of depression. A year in bed will do that to a girl, I guess.

I have found a bit of purpose through papercrafting. It gives me a bit of my self worth back to create something. Hoping to do a jail/nursing home/possibly St. Jude card ministry when I am healthier. I know how creating something gives me a boost to my self esteem, and it would probably give those in jail, nursing homes or hospital the same boost. It would also be a blessing to their loved ones to receive a hand crafted card :). Something to dream about.

I would like to say you can have the STRONGEST support team (and I do, my husband and BFF Chrissy) and still be depressed. Depression is no joke. It doesn't make sense to me, I was always an extrovert, and able to block pain so I could continue to work even with Lupus. For my brain to not do what I tell it to now is unthinkable! But, it is true. I am depressed, and can NOT control it or turn it off. I keep telling myself that even though all these bad things happened, there are people in much worse shape sleeping under bridges. I have blankets to snuggle with, dogs to entertain me, a laptop to stay in touch with the world, a phone if I need help, a fan if I am hot....you get where I am going. So, all things considered I am quite blessed. Yet, the depression breaks through all of this, and that alone makes me feel so weak.