First Post, My Battles

It is 18 degrees out, frigid for the Mid South, even for a gal in menopause :). I am hoping a blog will help me stay motivated and positive. Last year was rough. My former boss fell on me and ruptured several discs in my back. And that is how I went from heels to houseshoes...life changed in an *instant*. I have basically spent 90% of my time in bed since then. I went from (despite lupus and heart attacks) an active, athletic girl with a FULL life to living in one room and not moving. I also lost my income at this time, as they are fighting the work comp claim. I also lost my Dad last year. It was the worst year of my life. I also had to learn to cook, asap. No longer was I able to go out to eat several times a week and the other nights buy expensive take out. I had to learn to budget, turn lights off, not waste things. It wasn't without its gains, though. I did reonnect with my BFF Chrissy, my sister Barbie, and my brother Tim. I have developed an amazing relationship with my daughter, and lived to see her settled, happy and with an amazing fella. It was also a year of change. My views on politics and the world in general have drastically shifted. My Dad, before he died, stated to myself and others how proud he was of who I had become. I am now an empty nester. My last kiddo went off to school, and it almost killed me. I had him set for life, doing well, and over the Christmas break he told me he is switching majors to a far less lucrative and secure one, and switching schools. That rounded off the worst year of my life nicely....I understand he was miserable. My inlaws offered to let him stay with them during college and even pay for it, but it came with a steep price that eventually led to his "running off to join the circus". He couldn't move without consulting them. He couldn't live in a dorm. He couldn't join a fraternity. He was completely isolated, and isolated at school as well because his first semester classes were all in the aviation building. I fought viciously to have him stay in a dorm, or at least join a frat, something to make him love his school and teach him independence. I knew his major would be brutal, and that he needed an outlet for fun and blowing off steam as well as friends for fun and support. I wanted him to have an amazing college experience, and he would have if they hadn't tried to control him. I wasn't paying for it, so I had no voice...if only I hadn't lost my job I would have had THE voice and called all the shots. What I wanted for MY son didn't matter. I had no voice. He is now at a school that is not as nice, in a dorm that is known to not be very safe, and as I stated, gave up a very lucrative major. I hope they are satisfied with the return on their investment. As you can see, lots of anger but you would be mad as well if you had no voice in decisions for your son.
I am also angry at the man who fell on me. It may or may not have been intentional, as he harassed me and treated me with open hostility simply because I was disabled, due to my heart and lupus. He would give me the biggest sections at work, then make comments about my not keeping up and calling me gimpy. He never apologized, nor did he ever not even once ask my husband (who works at the same place) how I was.
I found out that the monsters who raised the child I was forced by my parents to place for adoption had not only physically abused her, but her "dad" writes poetry about incest, rape and various other disgusting things. He is published, and sold those sick stories to pay for her band trips. I found all this out after she was assaulted on tape, by her "mom" while my grand daughter was in the back seat. Watching how they affect her hurts my heart. After the attack she cut ties with these monsters, and everyone around her was shocked at the positive change in the baby. And you could see it in her pictures. Her smiles were genuine, open, and warm. She forgave them and let them back into her life and the baby's behavior went into the toilet, and she started having more fights with her fiance now husband. I can *always* tell when she has been exposed to these nuts because she will have fights with her husband, and acts differently. Mommie Dearest is also a Jew-hater. Her husband is Jewish, and she has made disgusting remarks in regards to the Jewish religion and people. She attacks these people for being forthright and godly, but lives with a man who talks about sleeping with his 5 year old sister....

So......welcome to my blog. To my battle with lupus, heart disease, back injury and my mind. Hopefully we can all help each other.